Get ready to play with yourself or with friends in a bathroom near you.
Its about time someone got with the program and developed Urinal video games. Although, its not quite that streamlined or popular yet, considering that its only in a bar in South London at this time, but the possibilities are, nevertheless, endless. After all, the deeds at the urinal and the processes that make yellow snow possible are the original first person shooters, so its only natural that someone would decide to bring that process into the gaming and machine age.
Is it really so surprising? Society has been conditioning us for this possibility for a long time now. Perhaps you recall going to your local carnival, grabbing a water gun, and aiming it towards a miniscule hole in a board which, after firing a stream of water into it, made a cardboard horse move above all the individual participants stations, the obvious goal to be the first to cross the finish line by the mere dexterity of your aim. Then, if you did indeed win, you would be rewarded with a mutated looking stuffed animal, which hardly ever resembled anything existing in the animal kingdom, smelling of foul cheese and hepatitis, incomplete with a googly eye missing, matted "fur," obvious charring from cigarette burns, and stitching draping from the dreadful thing in long ribbons.
It may take a few years to get to America, but I think its great. If it does go global then maybe I don't have to stare at nasty elongated boogers formed into abstract shapes on the wall in front of the urinal anymore. Furthermore, it may keep those creepy people's eyes from casting errant sideways glances at you and your stream. Also, maybe I can actually use a urinal without getting all shy and flustered, having to instead opt for the stall, where I have to sit down and pee like a prissy little girl. Yep. Besides the fact I can't kiss the controller for good luck, I don't see anything negative about this at all.
However there are very many questions that still need to be answered concerning this technology, like, what about Multiplayer? I mean is there room for Co-Op or will it be just Drenchmatch? Will there be cheats available, such as the up-down-up-down-select-start?
For those of you who are curious about what kind of games we can expect, a few days ago I took advantage of a discrete leak and was able to find this list of upcoming urinal game titles developed by Urinthegame Studios for the PeeEZPee Urinal Console.
These include:
Grand Theft Yellow
Silent Spill
Lebron James' "Dribble"
Whizzers and Warriors
Splash Bandicoot
Mist
Shaun White's Snowgoing Road Drip (To be released on the upcoming Nintendo Wee)
Centipeed
Portal-Potty
Septic
Ghostbusters: Don't Cross The Streams
Urinal: Asparaguses Fragrance
Modern Pourfare
Bladder Master
Where in The World is Carmen Going-to-go?
Although I wish this product success, I just hope they don't carry it to the next level and never, ever, develop toilet games like:
A Boy and His Glob
Call of Dookie
Poo Pong
Kingdom Sharts
Freeway Rest Stop Story (For cell gamers)
World of Bowelcraft
Tiger Woods' Loaf
Wolfensteaming
Harry Squatter
Fallout #2: New Pants
Though, admittedly, I guess some toilet word processing would be pretty cool, like:
Microsoft's "Turd," or, of course, "Turdperfect."
