On a Slight Unfortunate Oversight in The Purchase of My New Truck

Let me first start off by saying I love my new truck. Yet, this blog entry isn’t about that, nor is it some sort of prideful exercise or attempt to show it off. Rather, this blog entry concerns something rather embarrassing that happened to me after my purchase of my vehicle. This embarrassment wasn’t akin to your pants falling down in public or anything, but there was certainly an oppressive air of awkward claustrophobia that accompanied one particular stage of my whole post-purchase phase of my new means of conveyance.

Usually, I am an outgoing person almost to a fault, in that as long as it entertains I don’t mind it being at my expense. This means the occasional and willful self-embarrassment in public. In addition, for some reason, perhaps related to my self-depreciating usual form of humor, I find it entertaining to the self to make others embarrassed, as long as there is some joy found in it. For there is that embarrassment which one encounters that has an offensive air, and there is that which one can shrug off and often laugh at. Even in the moment of occurrence. For this whole narrative to make the kind of sense I intend, I must share a couple more things about myself. First, the reader should be aware that I used to be a DJ. Alas, not one of those fancy club DJ’s with an entourage, cases of records, and turntables. No, quite the opposite. I was a DJ for dances, parties, weddings and the like. This put me in the same category as the DJ’s for high school proms and whatnot. This being the case, it should be apparent, if one knows the industry, that I have a wide, wide selection of music. To emphasize this point, a high school dance, a New Year’s Eve party and a wedding are obviously going to have a completely different music itinerary. So, I had music from every genre, every era, and every individual categorization you can think of. In addition, before I get to the point, I am extremely lazy. Thus, I uploaded much of the music from my DJ library to my own personal library, not by choosing selectively, but by utilizing a means of the select-all and cut-and-paste method, which every savvy computer user is familiar with. I ended up with some personally undesirable music on my iPod and to again emphasize my laziness, I haven’t actually deleted songs one by one, but have managed to survive by simply skipping forward when a horrid song starts to play.

Of course, I do hear the occasional, “What in the world are you listening to?” However, if one were to take these incidences and conceptually accumulate them into a singularity, they would hardly be of any consequence. Thus, my skip forward method has served me well and I am able to, for the most part, avoid any charges from others implying that I am a huge Lawrence Welk fan. Yet, this might be the time I rethink my regular iPod browsing methods. With that tangent out of the way, we will revert back to my truck purchase. I purchased a beautiful, brand new, 2013 Nissan Frontier SL 4x4 with all the fixins. Buying a new car was something I have never experienced before and it both made me want to jump for joy and projectile vomit. I don’t mind telling you reader that the mixture of nerves and excitement was quite a tremendous experience. However, right after I bought it I realized, because of the vast amount of technology present in the vehicle, the only thing I knew how to do was drive it. I couldn’t even figure out the windshield wipers if I wanted to. So it was decided that I would in fact make an appointment for the next day to come back in and have everything explained to me.

Now, when it comes to stereos and computers and such, like most guys, I consider myself quite the technology able guy. With exploration and trial and error anyway. However, I will admit to look under the hood of a car, I might as well be doing brain surgery. I am clueless (My girlfriend helps me out. She is like Mona Lisa Vito, Marisa Tomei’s character in, “My Cousin Vinny.”). At any rate, we scheduled an appointment to have all the technology explained, and have it synced up with my cell, texting, phone calls, navigation, address book and all that noise.

I had always heard horror stories about car salesman and I am sure it is justified, but my experience was a good one and I was helped out by a great attentive salesman by the name of William. I pulled up to the dealership and William dashed outside to greet me and we basically got started right away with trying to sync up all my personal technology, iPad, iPod, cell, (Samsung Galaxy! Droid sucks! Just sayin’.) and Bluetooth. Well, syncing turned out to take a couple tries and while we were working on this he was going through the stereo functions from XM radio, to my auxiliary or my iPod.

We were trying to make a phone call with my truck and call, of course, my mother whom William had met. As we were trying to figure it out my music, which was on random, to my horror started playing, “The Waitresses.,” and their hit from 1982, “I Know What Boys Like.” Perhaps some more explanation is needed. When DJing, specifically weddings, there are songs which are played for both parties of men and women which are usually chosen by the bride and groom prior to the wedding. Thus, this song is occasionally played. Yet, here it was, with me and poor salesman William, sitting in my truck, trying to make a phone call, with this awkwardness being spewed by my stereo and iPod. A horrible situation. Horrible.

Finally, we got the phone to work and I was not embarrassed in that pleasant fun kind of way, but seriously turned red and wanted to instantly throw my iPod out the window (which would have been inappropriate it being a present from my girlfriend). My mother luckily picked up the call on her new Kia Soul and William began by saying it was a test to see if my truck and Bluetooth were paired correctly, in order to make the call. Of course it was in the affirmative, and I quickly interjected.

I told her that while we were attempting to call the song of infamy had come on and made things extremely awkward, which she of course got a kick out of. I told her to confirm the fact that I had been a DJ and that much of my music was random in nature. She confirmed this, much to my delight. I was nervous she would’ve maybe used the opportunity to take out enact some revenge against my teenage disobedience and made me look like a moron more than I already was. It occurred to me she could simply do so by asking me what I was talking about and that I was never in such a profession. However, all things confirmed, to my vast relief William got quite the chuckle out of it. So much so I don’t think I can say that he didn’t notice the song or anything. It was an awkward moment for all.

Thus, the moral is that one should really go through their collection more often, for if you have something embarrassing anywhere on your music library, or collections or libraries in general, it’s just bound to come up at the most inopportune and blush-enticing moments.

On a Late Night Trip to Walmart

I find it difficult, or at the least very unlikely, that there could be one single person in the totality of The United States of America that has not experienced something a little, "off," at their local Walmart retailer. Certainly, I would think, that if any given person truly has not experienced something amiss, then in all probability, they themselves are the catalyst of this air of oddness which can be, and is, perceived by those shoppers who belong to a more "normal" class.

This is truthfully what one most thinks about when we consider both the hilarious and terrifying displays which we witness at Walmart. For a time I would not have addressed the Walmart displays proper, meaning those particular edifices which compartmentalize and frame certain products so they stand out too the shopper. Rather, the curious displays I would've been most prone to comment on generally came from those who partake in late night shopping, decked out in all kinds of obscure clothing, or lack thereof, with accompanying body odor, and assorted forms of unsightly facial or body hair. These include, but are not limited to, the likes of a neck beard or an exotic form of mullet. This is just to name a few examples contained within the vast array of bizarreness, which lends itself to being seen or experienced at Walmart.

Yet, my last experience was in fact quite different and suggested the true nature of the proficency and upkeep of the store by it's lack of general maintenance. Some of these examples are shown here. First, is a photo of a display of women's jeans. Why I was in the women's section by the way is none of your business. Regardless of why I was there we find that there is a collection of dust that doesn't suggest a breeding population of dust bunnies, but rather an orgy of dust gorillas.

Second, and speaking of gorillas, is a rather strange and disgusting product I found packed in among the shelves. I am no parent, but if I was, I would immediately discourage the fascination and enjoyment some kids get from fondling either real or fake snot. Wether it be from themselves or any other animal species. The very fact that it is a shampoo suggests an image of a kid coating himself in a snot-like substance. This is dangerous, for who knows what kind of fetishist your child will grow up to become if allowed to partake in such actions and products.

In a brilliant almost seamless transition, I was in the market to get some shampoo. As I walked down the aisle looking for my product of choice, I happened upon a bulbous tube of the foaming jelly and prepared to put it in my cart. Unbeknownst to me, the tube had somehow ruptured and was experiencing a bout of seepage, which we all know can be very unpleasant. The errant leaking got all over my new sea foam colored jacket, much to my dismay and chagrin. Ironically, I took the jacket off convinced I would look weird to the other patrons of Walmart. 

Finally, to highlight more of the uncleanly nature of this particular Walmart, is a curious goo which was splattered among the tile floor. I can only attribute this to some fingernail polish or some other akin material. Yet, rather than it being the possibility of one misadventure, in a completely separate aisle, was another splatter pattern of a different hue. The remnants of these two mysterious eruptions were greatly ignored by employees who shuffled around obviously priming themselves for a full night of graveyard shift stocking. This mess you would think would hurriedly be cleaned up, since it posed a hazard to people like myself, who can hardly walk on a non-slick surface without the occasional face plant. In addition, several employees past by in near proximity, where it would be able to be viewed clearly, but no action was taken. Perhaps each employee pretended not to see the splatter in order that the buck may be passed for someone else to clean up. A tactic I am familiar with and can easily identify. 

Though I did not see the exact circumstances from which the mess became manifest, I find the order of events can quite logically be deduced if we interject the subject which we visited earlier concerning the gorilla snot shampoo. Children. I believe it to be the case that a person or persons, who let their child run loose and wild, like a chimp among buckets of its own feces, are responsible for the destruction of product. Ironically, it is their lack of responsibility which makes them responsible. For not only would they be held responsible for not reigning in the screaming and flailing terrors, but also for hurriedly exiting the scene of the crime, or if not, projecting a false amazement and disgust at the mess they supposedly, "happened upon." I do not suggest that this is truly the case, but it is more likely than not.

There is one last reason I find Walmart to be a odd and frightening place. Even gross. However, concerning this reason, I shall spare you the details due to its graphic nature, and only disclose the fact that I now refer to Walmart as, "Wall-Shart." This is simply because of something I encountered in the restroom there. Whether I had anything to do with this particular incident is irrelevant so don't ask. Likewise it is also irrelevant what restroom I was in. 

So, this all being said, be wary when you find yourself shopping at Walmart and examine all surfaces, for there a danger may lurk. Be aware of your surroundings, and if it glistens and appears wet, I don't recommend touching it. Just sayin'.

Regards.

On The Underlying Nature of Superstition and Luck

What is the implication of the concept of luck? Luck presents us with a duality inherent in its nature. That is what we would call, "good luck," and, "bad luck." Generally, when possible, we like to invoke these terms as they apply to the overall experiences and circumstances that a particular person may encounter within a given period of time within their lives, or their life proper and absolute. Yet, there is also the application of these terms as it applies to individual episodes or happenstances. Superstition transcends luck, in that particular occurrence can make a positive or negative influence upon a individuals luck. Thus, we see that luck and superstition are not the same thing. They cannot be divorced from each other, but are independent at the same time. Superstition denotes an effect upon a person's overall luck. In this context, luck is simply dependent on superstition, for superstition without an effect on luck can be classified by another term, "belief."

Certainly superstition has that defining characteristic as well. It is used to classify beliefs that are generally non-material, and perceived as outdated and disproven. Yet, because this has no bearing on luck, it is a different kind of superstition by definition and more so regards belief independent of the scientific method, rather than on luck. Thus, when I say, "superstition," one should be aware I mean it in the context of affecting luck, and not the, "outdated," belief classification.

The term, "luck," however, can nearly always be interchangeable with the term, "fortune." Thereby, good luck and good fortune can be considered one in the same, as too is the case with the antithesis, though this, the latter, is scarcely used. However, "fortunate," implies good luck in more an immediate sense, in that it regards a particular event. In the same but opposite manner, "unfortunate," presents a linguistic axiom which needs no further elaboration.

Luck, if not referring to the basic principle, absent its positive or negative modifier, is generally considered to be good rather than bad, and, "lucky," is obviously regarded the same. An example would be, "Your in luck." This all being the case, what we really find luck to imply is that there are events in our lives that are out of our control, and the overall nature of our attributed and assigned luck is left up to some providence besides ourselves, superstition, or chance. This is important to remember, in that it both contradicts some aspects of superstition as well as conforms.

Superstition, it being transcendent over luck, is the true subject of focus, for superstition as a whole is a representation of our a posteriori (knowledge from experience) lives within the material. However, we need to broaden our view of superstition a little. When we do this we find superstition to be quite aligned with our experience, in that it supposes cause and effect, as well as consequence from action. Also, it suggests that there are experiences and things that occur, beyond our control, which put us in favorable or precarious situations. This is certainly the case in life, so when we view superstition in general, we find it not so absurd as we may when considering particulars. In fact, it could be thought analogous for life itself. 

Truth is many find superstitions to be silly and irrational. However, at the same time, many of us follow these superstitions, "just in case." We are aware of them and become anxious when one presents itself. However, the fact remains, that though cause and effect certainly governs much of the world and rational thought, the belief, or dare I say, superstition in and of itself, that mundane occurrence or mishap reverberates within the universe to affect the self in good luck or bad luck, doesn't make an iota of sense. Thus, there is an inherent tautology within superstition, that superstition equates to a superstition. 

That one's luck be affected by such a tautologous and irrational belief, in and of itself, doesn't follow from the observable natures of cause and effect. In these observations, generally the greater the cause the greater the effect, while with superstition, it claims the cause, though it be minor, produces a greater effect. A direct contradiction concerning the nature of things. For example, I will invite the reader to employ the use of their imagination and picture a car crash test, which I will suppose we all have seen on TV or elsewhere. In my case I was fond of the crash test dummy itself to where I actually had the toys which were gruesome reminders of the importance of wearing a safety belt, and to which I credit to this very day my inability to drive without. We see that there are two objects, a car of which is the subject of the test, and a retaining wall. A variable of speed is added unto the relationship between the objects, and impact and damage is dependent not only on s, but also on the vehicles construct. The greater s, the greater the effect. In addition, the construct of the car contains many variables, x, y, z . . . and so on. Thereby, we find a dependency not just on s but on x, y, z, as well. Of course, as thermodynamics will attest, the energy manifest is eventually dispersed between the objects. This point does have a similarity with superstition, in that if one were to cross the boundary concerning a particular law of fortune, then an effect would be produced, but be dispersed after a period of time. As is the case with breaking a mirror which supposedly brings seven years bad luck before it's eventual dispersal.

This all applies in that superstitions are extremely vague. It simply states, x therefore y. It forgoes the intermediate variables which are so apparent in cause and effect, as I attempted to show in the crash test example. To exemplify this latter point I will use a couple popular examples. First, to walk under a ladder is considered bad luck. Therefore, as an exercise, we will pose several questions to inquire if there is a application of greater or lesser loss of luck depending on the ladder, which is the object promoting or suggesting a possible cause of deteriorating luck. Does it matter how tall the ladder is? How many rungs it has? What materials it is comprised? A standard "straight" ladder, or one with an "A-frame" like appearance? Does the distance from the top of the individuals head to the top of the ladder itself make any difference? In the nature of cause and effect, such simplistic rules are hardly the case. In other words, the simplicity of, "to walk under a ladder is bad luck," presents us no particular elements which may lessen or increase the effect. Its common by empirical observation that degrees and singular influence, or small details, can manifest a great range of degree in its ability to manifest the potential nature of the effect or result.

A broken mirror produces bad luck. Well, does it depend on the size of the mirror? What about the fragmenting? Is it dependent on how many shards are thrown from the frame? What if they aren't thrown from the frame at all? What about a black cat crossing your path? Does it have to be pure black? Long hair? Short hair? Tail or no tail? What about if your driving a jeep through the jungle and a black panther runs across the road, are you more doomed than if it were a house cat? In experience, we find such details do and would matter, but as mentioned this isn't the case with superstition.

If superstition is so irrational, then why its power over the human psyche? Why the penny loafers and rabbit's feet key chains (I would like rabbit's feet penny loafers come to think of it. Just in case.)? Truth is, it is simply our awareness of these popular superstitions that encourage and foster them. It is our own minds that attribute misfortune to bad luck, or good fortune to good luck. It is a presupposition we make, where we ignore any situations that might suggest the contrary. For instance, if we were to awake and discover it was Friday the thirteenth, we would presuppose that anything unfortunate occurring on that day has its initial cause in the calendar date alone. Anything positive which occurs that day on the other hand would be ignored and non-attributed.

It is simply the case that the bad circumstances in life erect strongholds and hurdles which need to be overcome. Thus, they tend to resonate in the mind more than those periods of prosperity, which because of a lack of challenge can and are generally approached with indifference. At least in relative terms. Another reason we find attribution to superstition to be a popular product of the paranoid mind, is we often come to a superstitious cause in a regressive reflection of events past. If calamity befalls us, we may search for reason, or the cause of which it came to pass. This search or inquiry of cause is a natural function of the human mind, and justly so. In this case, however, we will ascribe misfortune unto the mundane for means of explanation. Never mind that the explanation is irrational. It fulfills a desire to place blame on some event or occurrence to reach a conclusion or reason such events occur. Thus, the most popular superstitious myths are singled out as solely responsible for an unwanted result. 

As philosopher and Rutgers professor Walter T. Marvin observed:

"What is true of the superstitious is in part true of all men. In light of our knowledge or the darkness of our ignorance we explain what we perceive and then assert existence. In doing so we are presupposing some world hypothesis or another, perhaps a crude and primitive one, or perhaps one of a modern and enlightened adult. Moreover, we fit the thing which we assert to exist somehow into this world conception and into the system of other existents in which we believe. As long as we feel satisfied with the result we do not question the thing's existence." 

Again, superstition ignores facts to the contrary. Being in the fishing business, I can tell you that alongside mining, a life at sea contains the most superstitions than any other profession. Some of these have basis in mythology or real occurrence, which has echoed down through the ages, eventually manifesting as a superstition, which are still highly regarded today. There are many superstitions that go along with a life at sea. As Peter D. Jeans puts it in his fabulous book, "Seafaring Lore & Legend":

"Considering the demands of superstition and the subsequent prohibition of so many different articles and practices aboard a ship . . . it might be thought surprising that a vessel ever weighed anchor and set sail in the first place."

These superstitions include, but are not limited to (for there're hundreds):

The breaking of a bottle of champagne across the bow of a vessel prior to launch, which has its gruesome origins in the Vikings practice of launching a boat over their prisoners or slaves, that their blood may be an offering to the gods.

A ship builder should make sure to have a coin placed under the mast. An interesting side note to this is that our boat, built in the mid-sixties, does indeed have a coin under the mast, which we discovered when we had the mast taken off to be shortened, rewired, and equipped with new lights, ladder and platforms. This was discovered this year. I had known about this superstition for quite some time, and inquired if there was a coin under our mast. Not because of any superstitious element on my part, but because I was curious if the superstition was still in practice. The answer was one of mystery, for it was not known if there was or not. Turns out despite its relative recent construction that there was. We don't know of any other "recently" built boat that has this peculiar hidden inclusion. The origins of this superstition are that a coin is required to pay Charon the ferryman of the river Styx to cross into the underworld. The custom was adopted by shipwrights who placed a coin under the mast to appease Poseidon or Neptune, depending on whether you follow Greek or Roman mythology. This was done that the gods might grant a safe voyage. In our case, the coin was a silver dollar, really highlighting the inflation of American currency which Charon apparently keeps up with.

One is not to name their boat after a storm or any atmospheric phenomenon. In addition, it is considered bad luck to change the name of a boat. One wonders then the right course of action if a captain determines the name of their boat is unlucky. Yet, to revisit my point that evidence on the contrary is largely ignored concerning superstition, the vessel, "Norseman," built in 1893 went through a dozen name changes with no ill effects. Also, the boat of Sir Francis Drake changed its name from the, "Pelican," to, "Golden Hind," and made its journey successfully.

Sir Francis Drake

There are a number of rules concerning women aboard a ship, which in recent years has obviously been disregarded. It was even once held that if a mariner, on his way to boarding a ship, came across a barefoot woman, he would refuse to board the vessel.

Most famously, it is believed unlucky to depart from port on a Friday. This is because it is the day Christ was crucified. In fact, Fridays in general used to be considered unlucky, but now that it symbolizes the end of the work week, this is no longer as relevant. This used to be such the case, that if a vessel in the British Navy did embark on a Friday, they were immediately called back to port by the Admiral. Yet, what is lesser known is that it is lucky to leave on a Wednesday. "Wednesday," we get from, "Wodin's Day," a deity worshipped by the Vikings. This god was supposedly a benevolent one to ocean going and thus to leave on his day would present good fortune.

One is not to have bananas on a ship, nor umbrellas, coffins, any furry creature other than a cat or dog, flowers, priests, and by all means never whistle. There are three reasons for the latter. First, in the early days of sailing, audible sounds from a pipe or instrument were used to communicate commands. Thus, a whistle could be confused with a command leading to potentially disastrous results. Secondly, it is even believed to this day that a whistle, or forceful blow of air, stirs up an air current, which will inevitably result in a gale. So singing along to Guns and Roses', "Patience," isn't recommended. In addition, if this is true, why isn't there a superstitious ban on passing gas? Thirdly, it was believed that the god of winds and breezes would believe he was being mocked and punish those whom dared be disrespectful.

No priests aboard a ship obviously has its biblical origins, much like not leaving on a Friday. Jeans sites the reason of Jonah. God commanded the prophet Jonah to go to Nineva, but instead Jonah attempted to flee to Tarshish, which was located in Southern Spain, which biblically emphasizes the extent of the desire of Jonah to flee from God, for it was literally considered the ends of the earth at that time. We all know what happens then. God, punishing Jonah's disobedience, brings a tempest upon the vessel which Jonah is traveling and the sailors learning of Jonah's trespass against God immediately toss him overboard where he is swallowed by a great fish or whale. Turns out this is a possible occurrence (See the 1891 account of the "Star of The East" and one James Bartley). However, I would also like to add another biblical reason. It is quite possible, that adding to this superstition, is the fact that the apostle Paul was shipwrecked off the coast of Malta, which he stayed upon and converted much of the population to Christianity. 

"Jonah Leaving The Whale," Jan Brueghel The Elder. Circa-1600

Again, we find another superstition concerning the edifice of a ladder. It is unlucky to pass a flag between the rungs of a ladder to another mariner. In addition, it is unlucky to kill an albatross. Such birds were thought to contain the spirits of deceased seaman, whom rose up from Davy Jones' locker and took flight upon wings. This superstition, of course, is the basis for the ill fortune of Samuel Taylor Coleridge's antagonist in his famous epic poem, "The Rime of The Ancient Mariner." One of my favorites I will have you know.

"And I had done a hellish thing,

And it would work 'me woe;

For all averred, I had killed the bird 

That made the breeze to blow!"

I myself have known of many mishaps that have occurred on boats which have had a storm or tempest implied in their title. In addition, heard accounts of problematic voyages when their departure date coincided with a Friday. However, ill-fated voyages occur despite all superstitious precaution. Yet, let it be known that, as the saying goes, commercial fishing boats are as, "holes in the ocean," through which a owner's bank account is always depleted. So, at some time, more likely than not, the crew of a fishing boat is to feel unlucky at some point. This correlates with our general lives for we have all had, "bad days," which suggest that our, "luck has ran out." This being the idea that there is a ethereal trove of luck that we tap into once and a while. How we let it build is unknown. Perhaps by picking up a lucky penny or so forth. Yet somehow we unknowingly use up our mystical storage unit of luck and fall on bad times henceforth. It's supposed that a transgression concerning the cosmic laws of luck and superstition will negate the good and leave the bad. However, such a concept is irrational, as most of us will agree, but we follow these, "laws of fortune," deceiving ourselves into thinking that we can procure a pleasant future by adherence to these laws.

There are times where our fortune is dependent upon perception. A single event can indeed be said to be either lucky or unlucky. This cohabitation is apparent in the example of getting the knife in my foot, which I  address in my previous post. Taking this example into account, it could be said that the knife falling into my boot blade up, and my foot settling down upon it was an unlucky incident. Yet, it could also be said without fallibility that I was extremely fortunate that the blade didn't go through my foot, or cause any greater injury than it did. There is a close relationship in this incident between the duality of luck, and we can see evidence to the contrary in even one instance, regardless of which side you take. Even to the point of near death, which I have experienced and wrote extensively about I had great misfortune in my illness as well as being extremely fortunate.

There're other vessels whose name changes and original names, which the ancients would never had dared put on the bow of a boat, have produced profitable careers and are back year after year. The negative incidents on boats which clash with the law of fortune, however, are marked, underlined, and highlighted by the mind, so they stand out above and in contrast to those who have, "escaped," the wrath of luck.

Some superstitions do have practicality to them, so the adherence to superstition isn't necessarily a bad thing. Walking under a ladder you may get something dropped on your head, you knock over a person upon it, or any variety of dangers one might think of. In addition, who wants to break a mirror anyway? You could cut yourself and some mirrors shouldn't be broken. Your rear view mirror is a great tool, and logically it follows if you break that one, some bad, "luck," might follow. These might actually suggest an inherent clumsiness on your part which may correlate with a perceived visage of, "bad luck," as I can attest. Furthermore, killing an albatross like Coleridge's Ancient Mariner is just cruel and I would advise against it. A carcass with a 15 foot wing span is quite a formidable obstacle and storage space is sure to be an issue. 

Cats are good luck on board a ship because of their ability to keep the rat population at, "bay," while bananas are still considered bad luck, though this superstition has its origins in that mariners used to be privy to disease from the insects and bugs that would routinely hide out in the delicious bushels. Less of a problem today, though still observed by many. In fact, this very year I saw a boat with a large, "No Bananas," sign posted within the doorway. 

Generally, in the end, our paranoid minds, and even the passage of time, are to blame for the belief in superstition and luck. Perhaps, you can even apply this lesson to yourself, where a particular action you avoid because you believe something bad will occur and manifest itself in the aftermath. For instance, I hate those soup and cat food tins that have the pull tab on them. I gashed myself once and bled into some kibble. I now have associated cat food lids with something terrible and I will never again use my bare hands to open one. Now I opt for a tool instead. We actually see similarities to this and to superstition. In my example, I first became paranoid of some occurrence in the past and essentially have believed (as we have said belief itself can sometimes be classified as superstition) this occurrence to be in perfect unification with what occurs in the future. Simply, I have made the judgement that if I open one of those lids in a like manner, I am going to cut myself. Absolutely. Thus, I avoid them, creating the rule, "never open a cat food tin lid by a pull tab while only utilizing your bare hands." Thus, I have identified an object, and a behavior that is appropriate in interaction, and thereby, produced a kind of superstition.

Some superstitions are this exact, like the superstition of sharks following a boat. This is said to mean someone on board is going to die. Yet, at the same time, where my example differs in other examples concerns the specificity. Many superstitions are quite vague in how they will manifest bad luck. This, again, may be due to the passage of time in that a belief or practice gave rise to a general feeling of bad luck, when the practitioners of eras past might have perceived an exact consequence of a particular action, due to their time, space, conditions, knowledge, and particular activities. As epochs go by however, it becomes askew and while the causal object of the superstition may be similar to its ancient origins in some degree, and the meaning or purpose has been lost concerning the effect supposed by a trespass against this particular law of fortune.  Thereby, to apply it to my example, in 7000 years perhaps my idea will be transformed into a plain, "cat food tins are unlucky." Though in 7000 I suspect food will just materialize in a dish via some Jetson-like food ordering ATM like machine and sharp tins will be dug up by archeologists and anthropologists, rather than utilized in our own condominiums which will by then probably orbit our own planet in a form of an giant artificial ring. If we last that long. Just in case, let us not break too many mirrors.

 

 

On The Mishaps and Misadventures of One Brandon Myhre

This fishing season may in all likelihood be called, the most fouled up of any I've previously experienced. Though I'm not superstitious by any large extent and only pay attention to them, or rather, am only aware of superstitions due to their influence in both popular culture and American folklore, an attempt to completely ignore the frequency of an almost immediate subsequent mishap after the resolution of a previous, is an impossibility for it seems continuous. One cannot help being aware of the particular folklore concerning the number 13 and how it may suggest a relationship between these annoying happenstances and the current year of 2013.

Again, I'm not the superstitious sort. In fact, setbacks have occurred for the last forty years my family has been in the fishing industry. I myself have had much worse years than this one in my personal life, but in light of the folklorist influence, I find this connexion made regardless. Rationally, it doesn't follow, in my mind, that the universe be governed by such superficial and superfluous incidents the likes of a broken mirror or stepping on a crack in the sidewalk (Did this superstition exist before the invention of concrete? Furthermore, once concrete was invented, did the universe shift in order to accommodate this superstitious effect?). Though they may be subject to inclusion in the, "principle of sufficient reason ," or causation, to imply that a concept so obscure as luck may be affected is absurd. Simply, what I mean is that though one may certainly break a mirror from some means (cause) and shatter the surface of the glass (effect), how the mere fact that a person has caused a looking glass to fragment and that it somehow negatively reverberates within the cosmos to affect the self for a specific period of time, thus producing bad luck, is preposterous.

I wouldn't just be myself if I didn't visit this topic a little more in depth at a later time, but first I would like to describe a couple of things which may suggest to those who believe in the high governing concept of luck, that I may have indeed drawn the shortest lot. A seafaring custom, by the way, in those horrible instances and examples of that which is the greatest of taboos as a means of survival upon the high seas (See the wreck of the Medusa, or of the Mignonette and the ill-fated Richard Parker for some chilling tales).

"The Raft of The Medusa," by Théodore Géricault, c. 1818-1819

In my personal accounts, there is not much to blame except chance, and when I say, "chance," I will henceforth mean chance in regards and adhering to the conception of low probability, not a chaos which comes to or expresses an order through a surreal association of particulars. This former chance, of course, isn't independent or distant of a true relation between objects in close proximity to each other. In fact, quite the contrary. In my instance, the objects were placed in close proximity according to will. What makes this first instance striking is the probability of it actually occurring. It wasn't a near impossible occurrence, but the chances of it coming to pass were very low, to say the least. Yet, the other, or second incident I will address, I can attribute to a greater probability, relative to the chances of the former, and to this I do have an object of blame and one whom I will regard as responsible. That is the Kellogg's corporation. 

The first instance I will recount is the one of the least likelihood. One night while traveling to get a load of "humpy" salmon (or pink salmon for those of you who are scrupulous about using proper names concerning your seafood) we got caught in a gale. We made sure to secure any object that could be flung about on deck, and retreated to the safe and dry quarters of the ship. I took off my "XTRATUF" boots and set them side-by-side on the floor under several hooks, upon which we hang our gear. I took off my knife belt, and hung it from the hook above my boots with my knife snugly tucked away in its sheath. This I've done from habit for quite some time, but by now, dear reader, you may see what is going to transpire.

The next morning while tucked away in the safety of Prince William Sound, we suddenly got a boat that needed to deliver its fish to us. Such unannounced visits are commonplace and in such circumstances the crew, which includes myself, are in quite the frenzied hurry to prepare the deck and take the fish of any given boat. This process we try and get done as quickly as possible and any delays are rare if not nonexistent. Its something we healthily pride ourselves in. So, I found myself immediately rolling out of my bunk, still in a sickening daze due to not having the chance to properly wake up, or have my customary cup of equally sickening thick coffee, which, on average, is strong enough to give a pack mule tremors.

I immediately grabbed my boots and scrambled into the galley and sat down on the end of the bench seat which parallels our galley table at the appropriate right angles to provide for both space and luxury. I put one boot on with no problem, and when applying the other boot onto my foot I let out a yelping obscenity which even the ocean-going, soon to be seafood, probably detected from the oceans great propensity to carry sound waves along with the cresting waves themselves. A sharp pain was being experienced in the right side of my starboard foot and I instinctively tried to retract it, only to find the pain was neither lessening or disappearing altogether. Furthermore, whatever had bit into my foot was still there. Stuck. I shook my foot wildly and reached down to try and remove the boot, only adding to the pain. So I continued shaking and even contemplated screaming for help, but knowing there was now a boat alongside I wanted to save myself the embarrassment of everyone knowing I had some deficiency in practical and basic problem solving, or the pain threshold below that of a young prepubescent girl.

I shook whatever it was loose and eventually got my neoprene "XTRATUF" boot off my non-tough self. I quickly examined my foot which seeped blood. This was of no major consequence however, and a few bandages took care of the issue, but it could have been much worse than it was. In my boot I saw my knife, a serrated Victorinox utility knife, or a "Vicky" as we refer to them,  standing vertical with the blade standing straight up. I had nearly ran it clear through my foot. I got to work shortly after that and inquired of my coworkers, what the odds would be of such a thing occurring. They all seemed to agree that to anyone else it would be an astronomical probability, but since it had happened to me, it wasn't at all surprising. This my friends, may give you some insight into the nature of those incidents which befall me.

It was merely a few days later, when what I will refer to as the infamous, "cereal incident of 2013," occurred. I awoke in the morning experiencing the sensation of hunger and decided that since we had just acquired fresh milk to partake in the consuming of a bowl of Kellogg's, "Raisin Bran Crunch." Well, I was mid-bowl when I felt an odd sensation in my upper starboard molar. I spat out a good chunk of tooth, apparently swallowing a lot as well, and I suddenly lost my appetite. Of course, I immediately began to explore that region of my mouth with my tongue, only to discover I had, more or less, given myself a root canal, for a price much cheaper than your local dentist. The very same professional I will still have to visit when I get home from Alaska, that he might prepare the tooth, or lack of it, for its royal cresting.

Was bad luck to blame? I don't think so. In fact, I think it is a conspiracy between the cereal manufacturer and dentists. This is much greater a threat than the, "pencil conspiracy," that I mentioned in my previous article, due to the fact this one causes personal injury. Furthermore, it could be the case that popcorn manufactures are in on it too. These companies produce products to further the field of dentistry, so it could easily be concluded that the conspirators exchange money and goods to benefit each other at the expense of the public's oral pain and anguish.

Yet, we find in many such conspiracies there is an element of symbolism that identifies the conspiracy or conspirators, as Dan Brown can both attest and make up as he goes along. Yet, where would I find this Brown-ish symbolism? Where was the raisin bran symbols equivalent to the marks left by the Knights Templar? It took me some time, but after examining the box of "Raisin Bran Crunch," I saw it was gleefully staring at me in plain sight. The image is an obvious one. A bright yellow gleaming sun. The bran sun is not without emotion, for it is given a human resemblance, though certainly cartoonish. What do we notice about its grinning gaping maw? It's completely toothless! This suggests the true purpose of the, "crunch." The cereal has less bran and more crunch to render one completely toothless or in sore need of a dentist. Furthermore, "crunch," may indeed reference the audible sound of one's tooth breaking off, rather than the sound the cereal gives off upon consuming. Moreover, the, "two scoops," look suspiciously alike with those dental tools they use to spread a patients cheeks apart. In addition, because the, "scoop," is in no way a real standard unit of measurement, both standard and metric, it could only refer to the method employed by dentists to scoop out the remaining bit of tooth from under the gum line. My friends, be warned, this is the dark Kellogg secret truth. If anything henceforth happens to me . . . Well, you get the idea.

So how do we account for such events occurring in so close a duration? Was it indeed negative luck concerning both the short separating interval of time as well as the events themselves? Though I certainly was victim to the conspiracy, not everyone is. It is here we get into our discourse concerning the nature of luck and of superstition. I had thought the discourse would be a concise one, but to my dismay I did what I always tend to do and wrote too much. So, assuming anyone has reached this point, to avoid the loss of interest, I suggest an intermission before we continue and my following post will be on the underlying natures of luck and superstition. Yet, during this intermission I would encourage all not to have a bowl of cereal. Until next time.

On Why I Hate Pencils

Let us for a moment reflect on that curious writing utensil which is the pencil. I'll get straight to the point (pun intended) and share that the pencil is an instrument of writ which I completely despise. Though there may be the occasional circumstance that necessitates the need of a pencil, this fact alone doesn't reflect in an equitable manner from which one could respectfully declare that the micro-wooden obelisk is the best of all writing tools. Likewise, the spork may come in handy in some given circumstance, but otherwise it is pretty much a useless particular to a person's silverware collection. However, I must say I have a lot more affection towards the spork than I do the pencil.

Surely, let us assume such a situation does arise demanding the need of non-inked writing. Even given this fact, one need not stock up on four-hundred of them in order to meet the demand, outside the classroom that is. The classrooms and schools throughout the globe are the most common places to find pencils and demand their use. This is understandable, for the pencil is usually accompanied by a small pink eraser opposite the end employed for writing. Due to it's ability to erase, we find that the pencil does appear to serve its place in the classroom as the spork may in the lunchroom. This is one possible attribute which can save the pencil from being discarded completely as a ridiculous, clutter-some, and environmentally wasteful product. However, I would suggest that we not only focus on new forms of energy and move away from fossil fuels, but we move away from pencils as well, which greedily utilize a valuable natural resource.

When we conceptualize a pencil, we always tend to add the eraser as a necessary attribute which distinguishes this classification and definition. This being the case, one is completely duped as to why it is that some pencils lack an eraser at all. Realize that because the eraser, or ability to erase written text provided by the lead enclosed in the center of the wooden shaft, is the only saving attribute of the pencil, to negate it in it's production is beyond absurd. You could always have a double-ended pencil of course, but this is essentially multiplying the ridiculousness of the whole conception of a pencil. 

Not only is this archaic looking writing tool loathsome in these ways, also it apparently is masked in a clothing of simplicity, which may not be the case at all. In fact, there may be much secrecy in the nature of the pencil akin to certain Masonic rituals practiced in their believed locations of renown. When we see a pencil, it is generally going to be a number-two pencil. To me this suggests many other types which are hidden from the general public and this gives the pencil a menacing mystique in my mind suggesting that it cannot be trusted. Perhaps, in fact, it has been made as such to promote the governments influence and power over the people. This would explain why it is so demanded in classrooms across the nation, and perhaps the world.

When a student sits down readying himself for the GED, SAT or any other like test in terms of, "instruction," given in the answer form, he/she knows that a number-two pencil will be required to fill out the little circles (completely) which will indicate their answer. Thereby, the student looks down at the number-two pencil and has the subconscious thought planted in his/her head that he/she will never achieve excellence, but always come second. This devastates the mental capacity of the student and as such the individual will cease to be a threat to the, "man," or localized or federal government. The injustice committed by either will henceforth go largely ignored by the student as he/she proceeds from out of that era in their lives and moves on, though not by necessity forward. To fix this we only need to raise up, write up petitions, in pen or by the use of word processing, and gather signatures. If one who signs does so in pencil, it is already too late for them and we need move on.

Another problem with pencils is the pencil to sharpener ratio which has always plagued mankind from its invention. If pencils weren't a example or worthless trash enough, surely the sharpener, in addition to the pencil, adds to my arguments validity and soundness. It is very often the case that in the household, though many pencils may be present, there is scarcely a sharpener. One may have a whole drawer full of the yellow number-two's, but have not one sharpener in the house. If one does exist in the immediate temporal space of the household, it is often misplaced or lost, much like the cliche lost sock in the laundry. Thereby, the household is littered with the remnants of dulled or broken pencils, which will never fulfill their purposed purpose and again are only a means of wasting natural resources. 

In the classroom a student scarcely has a sharpener of his own, though one may be supplied by the school or teacher for the whole classes use. In this case, the classroom is always disrupted by people getting up to sharpen their writing edifices and making a constant ruckus which disturbs others just as much as a certain particular student who thinks he is funny, has a big loud mouth, practices no self-control, respect or discipline might. It may also be the case that an electric sharpener isn't available and in these instances, one circa 1950 may be hanging on the wall with a turn crank utilized to sharpen the pencil. These latter examples are even more annoying, though not as much as the particular student, in that they don't have grease fittings or WD40 applied to them. Hence, when a student goes to sharpen his pencil, a terrible screeching and metallic wailing fills the classrooms firmament in a audible fashion alike to biting down on tinfoil, if one could hear such a sensation. Lastly, these sharpening devices are far from perfect, which is a money making scheme by the pencil making corporations. You can't put a pencil in a sharpener and get an exact point, or perfect point, every time despite our advanced technology. This is because those pencil creating powers that be want to waste your pencil so that you need buy more. It would be safe to assume that money exchanges hands between pencil and sharpener conglomerates. 

It usually happens that one side be not sharpened or tilled of the wooden enclosure, while the other will. Thereby, one needs to develop strategies in order to perfectly sharpen a particular pencil. Including manual rotating, applied pressure, incline, leaning, and all variations of deviation on both the X and Y axes (the plural of axis, not the tree cutting instrument). If these means aren’t available, then we employ things like knives to get an edge on the pencil. While it may work to a degree in creating a point, the overall shape is abstract and reminiscent of Richard Dreyfuss’ clay model mountains in Spielberg’s, “Close Encounters of The Third Kind,” and doesn’t last long, though pencils aren’t made to last to begin with. 

There is no way to escape the necessary inclusion of the sharpener when one considers the pencil. Thus, it is really a compound conception which we need to recognize. The need of a sharpener is an implication of my next point which is that pencils break. It is not an infrequent occurrence that when one is done sharpening their pencil that the very tip may break off. Though still looking useable, when applied to paper, it displays not a singular, sharp, and linear line, but a dual line which one will immediately find displeasing and try and fix, usually without the sharpener. We employ the scuffing method, where we try and scuff the dual tip off to mold into a singular which we can use. This is hardly successful and the surfaces on which this method is tried is scarcely appropriate. Examples include walls, desks and chairs. Therefore, most often we resort to square one, and are back at the sharpener to try once again.

So, both the conceptual particulars of the pencil and the sharpener applied as a whole give me further evidence of my rationality of my distaste for pencils. Speaking of distaste, this perfect transition leads me to my next point, the unsanitary nature of pencils. One need only look at a person deep in thought, destined to be number two, to understand. Often, we find such people lost in thought to be doing all sorts of things with pencils. These include, but aren't limited to, chewing on the pencil, putting the eraser in their ear, chewing on the eraser, or scratching with it. It's often you find pencils with teeth marks in them, making the tool look more like an orthodontist's mold, than anything else. Therefore, to borrow a pencil is like asking to lick the inside of someone's hat. It's foul and gross. 

Pencil companies have tried to impress us with various statistics and claims of reusable resources in their production, but we see right through their claims. One example is how one with a pencil can draw a strait line for a whole mile before running out. Or something like that. Yeah, great. What kind of a surface? Flat surface? Asphalt? Furthermore, what number of pencil? How long? Is there a standard length woth pencils? So as you can see we aren't given this information. Thus, it is kind of useless unless all particulars of the example are known. I am not impressed. Guess what? I can take a ten gallon jug, put a hole in it, and with a small drip carry it farther than a mile. So what? Absurd.     They’ve tried to embrace technology by giving us the, “mechanical pencil,” a device that breaks the lead more often due to its brittle nature. This is to such a degree, that its not uncommon to see these mechanical pencils with many lead fragments within the containing cylinder. In this state it is more prone to jammin than Bob Marley was. 

Methods of lead extraction are utilized here in an effort to load the pencil's, "cartridge." One includes a slight shake or vibration in both a horizontal and vertical fashion. The cruelty of this device is made evident in the fact that if one's pencil is loaded with a lead segment of too short a length, than the mechanical pencil will cease to perform the task for which they tell us it was designed. We find when we put this lead to paper, it retreats back into the recesses of the cartridge, and in effort to be restored to somewhat functional use, needs to be manually removed. A couple clicks will reveal the end of the lead outside the cartridge and an individual must pull on the lead to fix the heinous device, as well as shake in another larger lead segment. This is quite ingenious for those devious scoundrel designers who made the mechanical pencil, made it so the shaking method of loading the cartridge, is a necessary part of the mechanics, but also is directly responsible for the fragmentation of the leads within the cylinder. The lead, once removed, then has no use other than to be committed to the refuse receptacle. This is wasting precious materials which are saturating or polluting our landfills, oceans, wetlands, and homes. The deception of the pencil is, in short, a danger for us all.

It will take a lot more to pull the wool over my eyes. In addition friends, likewise I hope it will for you.