On The Worst Music Videos: Part Diaz

More videos guaranteed to give an uncomfortable, itching, burning sensation down in your nether regions.

Debbie Gibson: Shake Your Love
Thank you for this crap Jeannie.



Night Ranger: Sister Christian
Love the song. Hate the video. Thanks Jessica. This ones for you. Slow-mo gives me a headache.



Quiet Riot: Party All Night
Hate the song. Hate the video.



Scorpions: Wind of Change
A prime example of over sentimentalism. I just want to rock dammit. Now I am depressed and just don't feel like rocking anymore. Best buzz kill video ever here and furthermore, does he say, "down to donkey punch?"


No, actually I still want to rock...oh what must one do or where must one look to in order to really rock?
Twisted Sister: I Wanna Rock



I always enjoy 80's videos that are like a short film. (See Quiet Riot Vid) I am sensing a theme with this band. Problems with daddy and authority figures perhaps?
Twisted Sister: We're Not Gonna Take it.

On The Worst Music Videos: Part "New Wave, Eh!"

More terrible video's, almost guaranteed to give you diarrhea!

Sheena Easton: Almost Over You
Thank you to Kara for bringing this crap to my attention. There are just way too many reflections utilized in this video for me to really take and I still can't figure out if the bimbo is lamenting about the video game she prematurely destroyed or the slightly demented video game addict?



William Shatner: Rocket Man
I think I like the Stewie Griffin version better.



Another load of trash from David Hasselhoff: Jump in my Car. I apologize to the anonymous user who suggested this video quite a while ago, and I didn't see the comment, otherwise I would have have gave you credit for it. Thank you for the suggestion and you have my sincere apologies. For everyone else, this video is so bad it just may make you break out with shingles.
Damn this guy loves himself. Wish he would jump in front of a car. Make that a bus.



Wang Chung: Dance Hall Days
I am actually just prejudice against ballroom dancing. Is it just me or does the orchestra leader look like a total chimo? Ewww...



Laura Branigan: Self-Control
Maybe I am just hyper sensitive from that Tales From The Darkside marathon, but this video is kind of creeping me out.

On The Worst Music Videos: Part Groucho

The Whispers: Rock Steady
Oh yeah, their rocking steady alright! I am just curious to know how many of these guys are named Mohammad now...


REO Speedwagon: Keep On Loving You
Wow, old school. Is that TV made by Zenith?


REO Speedwagon: Can't Find This Feeling
Does anyone else get migraines from an overabundance of superimposed images or is it just me? He looks like he would be one of those close talkers too. (see On Petrol Panhandlers and Gas Groupies)


Lisa Loeb: Stay
A cat, a chair, an empty apartment and Sarah Palin's alter ego. How could it possibly suck?


Hall and Oats: She's Gone
Hall and Oats portraying some itchy faced crack heads just a little too convincingly. May I also point out an interesting phenomenon with Hall and Oats videos; they all have that dark black abyss of a background. This is a theme frequently revisited in the 80's and I am surprised it took people a whole decade to figure out it was getting really old. I guess everyone must have been delirious at that time from the deadly combination of hairspray and fingerless gloves.


"Hey! Remember the 80s?" --Goatboy

On The Worst Music Videos: Part Sensei

Cher: If I could Turn Back Time
If I could turn back time, I would turn it back to an era where this video didn't exist at all or a time where I was completely unaware of it.


Frank Stallone: Far From Over
Frank Stallone with footage of the classic film “Stayin Alive.” Do I really need to say anything?


The Pointer Sisters: Neutron Dance
I am thrilled that Balki makes an appearance, but its just not enough to save the video and make it good. Perhaps if Larry Appleton got involved...


The Proclaimers: I Would Walk 500 Miles
Ok this is just creepy as hell. Next acid flashback I have is going to feature these two I just bloody know it.


Attaboy Skip: Ghostbusters
Not all horrible video's are made by professionals. In fact, quite a few are made by suburban emo-pot heads who have nothing better to do than to rip off Ray Parker Jr.


Ray Parker Jr: Ghostbusters
Now a stupid video that is professionally made. I don't know about the random celebrity cameo's; they seem a little out of place because most of them had nothing to do with the movie whatsoever, but on the plus side I would so love a neon apartment, but not Ray Parker Jr. crawling through my window. Man, sounds like another bad acid trip I wish not to have...


I hope Parker stays away when the third installment of Ghostbusters comes out, and I hope the third is better than the second, though it should be now that the writers of "The Office" have been hired to pen the script. Awwww Snap!

On The Worst Music Videos: Part Mays

Not all videos compliment a musical tune, but may rather do the opposite, destroying it both audibly and visually. A few examples are provided below.

Fine Young Cannibals: She Drives Me Crazy (Why does this video have such an overbearing "Sprockets" feel to me?)




Men At Work: Land Down Under (Love the song, but the video is lacking. Though, some of the imagery is exactly what I pictured when listening to the song. Some.)


Dead or Alive: You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)

If you like this song I don't recommend viewing this video. This is one example of when a music video made me hate a song with a passion immediately after viewing. I have also noticed an interesting bad music video cliche within the confines of the film; an out of focus disco ball. If you see one in a music video, chances are its crap.


Blotto: I Wanna Be a Lifeguard (I wanna gouge out my eyeballs and eardrums after seeing and hearing this steaming pile.)


Human League: Don't You Want Me? (One of the most boring video's ever with an aged Eddie Wolfgang Munster in lipstick.)



So thats what Butch Patrick was up to during the 80's. I was curious.

On The Worst Music Videos: Part Ginkgo (Reader Supported)

Ok, another batch of some of the biggest artistic flops in music video's ever. I don't know what kind of people would find this slime aesthetically appealing, but they have to be completely out to lunch.

The Tubes: She's a Beauty. (Thanks to Jennie for the awfully disturbing video.)




Don Johnson: Heartbeat (Thanks to Lori_Z who had nothing better to do than to ruin my evening with this worthless pile. Word.)




Not to be outdone Philip Michael Thomas: Just The Way I Planned It (Don't watch if your either epileptic or homophobic. Just a word of caution.)




Eddie Murphy: Party All The Time (To bad that line, "I'm Rick James bitch," is so cliche right now or I so would have brought it up. Thanks to Jeannie for offering up this video that would make Beverly Hills Cop 3 run for cover. Alright, maybe not that far.)




Why not?

On The Worst Music Videos: Part Kuato

"What do you want Mr. Quaid?"

I am so glad I have the further opportunity to waste everyone's time and pass along about 20 minutes of videos to an unsuspecting populace. This is twenty minutes you will never see again. I would like to thank the two readers I do have for helping me compile this congealed ick. Pants off to both of you.

Styx: Mr Roboto (Grow yourself a mullet, smoke a lot of crack and "experiement" with men and you just might make a video like this too. Gross.)

Mr. Roboto @ Yahoo! Video

Styx: Music Time (Special thanks to Sweet for providing the extremely bad video!)



Toni Basil: Mickey (Special shout out too Jeannie for providing this peice of crap. Is it just me or is one of the cheerleaders in this video rather "butch?")



Some horrible song by Meatloaf that Sweet has cursed me with. His name is Robert Paulson, his name is Robert Paulson, his name is Robert Patrick, his name is Robert Patrick...Word.



I was just telling my friend the other day; A, to get off my groin and B, its about time India covered the Beatles, they already have covered Harry Potter so why not? Thanks Sweet, this will forever haunt my dreams.


I have wanted to do a Kuato joke for so long, but I just couldn't fit in a Neil Kuato one anywhere though....

Neil Cavuto rocks!

On The Worst Music Videos: Part Trees

Due to my lack of friends and overabundance of alone time, I have the means to search out the crappiest music videos strictly for your displeasure. I bring to you another installment of these "jems."



...and The Holograms.

When the Renaissance and Heroin collide you get the Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. (Every group of friends needs a midget. If you have one let me know.)



Call Me: Go West (I think John Mayer is actually Lip Synching the lead singer who has some sort of horrible nerve disorder.)



Another Classic from Go West: King of Wishful Thinking (Tight jeans, wife beaters, celebrity impersonators (including Go West) and striped horses. Video gold my friends.)



Its not just Huey Lewis, but its Huey Lewis AND The News: Heart and Soul



When the 80's and Heroin collide you get: J. Geils Band with Centerfold. Word.

On The Worst Music Videos: Part Dose

Here are some more horrid music video's sure to make you cough up bile. You may want to grab some Tums before viewing.

Nena 99 Red Balloons (I love how the instruments just don't really match up. I think Nena is either Mick Jagger's alter ego or Joyce DeWitt in disguise.)



David Hasselhoff: Hooked on a Feeling (So far this one is the worst I have ever seen. Watch in mute.)



Looking for an over abundance of side profiles and a lip synching Lincoln? Well, Jefferson Starship's "We Built This City" is sure to please.



Vanilla Ice gets his haircut at Fantastic Sam's, shops at Marshalls and so should you.



The most hardcore rapper out of Canada. By the looks of "Snow" I believe his real name to be something more along the lines of a Curtis or Russell. Man, they are strict with jaywalkers in Canada.



Word.

On The Worst Music Videos

Here is a quick compilation of some of the worst music video's I have ever seen. Enjoy.

Gunther and The Sunshine Girls: Ding Dong Song (Make sure the kids are in bed when you play this I wouldn't want to be responsible for corrupting the minds of our youth)


Michael McDonald: I Keep Forgetting (The woman at the end is slammin!)


Swedish Music Video, who I believe to be a rather large inspiration for the Cardigans.


Leonard Nimoy: Ballad of Bilbo Baggins


Rick Astley: Never Gonna Give You Up (Packed full of sunglasses and denim)