I find it difficult, or at the least very unlikely, that there could be one single person in the totality of The United States of America that has not experienced something a little, "off," at their local Walmart retailer. Certainly, I would think, that if any given person truly has not experienced something amiss, then in all probability, they themselves are the catalyst of this air of oddness which can be, and is, perceived by those shoppers who belong to a more "normal" class.
This is truthfully what one most thinks about when we consider both the hilarious and terrifying displays which we witness at Walmart. For a time I would not have addressed the Walmart displays proper, meaning those particular edifices which compartmentalize and frame certain products so they stand out too the shopper. Rather, the curious displays I would've been most prone to comment on generally came from those who partake in late night shopping, decked out in all kinds of obscure clothing, or lack thereof, with accompanying body odor, and assorted forms of unsightly facial or body hair. These include, but are not limited to, the likes of a neck beard or an exotic form of mullet. This is just to name a few examples contained within the vast array of bizarreness, which lends itself to being seen or experienced at Walmart.
Yet, my last experience was in fact quite different and suggested the true nature of the proficency and upkeep of the store by it's lack of general maintenance. Some of these examples are shown here. First, is a photo of a display of women's jeans. Why I was in the women's section by the way is none of your business. Regardless of why I was there we find that there is a collection of dust that doesn't suggest a breeding population of dust bunnies, but rather an orgy of dust gorillas.
Second, and speaking of gorillas, is a rather strange and disgusting product I found packed in among the shelves. I am no parent, but if I was, I would immediately discourage the fascination and enjoyment some kids get from fondling either real or fake snot. Wether it be from themselves or any other animal species. The very fact that it is a shampoo suggests an image of a kid coating himself in a snot-like substance. This is dangerous, for who knows what kind of fetishist your child will grow up to become if allowed to partake in such actions and products.
In a brilliant almost seamless transition, I was in the market to get some shampoo. As I walked down the aisle looking for my product of choice, I happened upon a bulbous tube of the foaming jelly and prepared to put it in my cart. Unbeknownst to me, the tube had somehow ruptured and was experiencing a bout of seepage, which we all know can be very unpleasant. The errant leaking got all over my new sea foam colored jacket, much to my dismay and chagrin. Ironically, I took the jacket off convinced I would look weird to the other patrons of Walmart.
Finally, to highlight more of the uncleanly nature of this particular Walmart, is a curious goo which was splattered among the tile floor. I can only attribute this to some fingernail polish or some other akin material. Yet, rather than it being the possibility of one misadventure, in a completely separate aisle, was another splatter pattern of a different hue. The remnants of these two mysterious eruptions were greatly ignored by employees who shuffled around obviously priming themselves for a full night of graveyard shift stocking. This mess you would think would hurriedly be cleaned up, since it posed a hazard to people like myself, who can hardly walk on a non-slick surface without the occasional face plant. In addition, several employees past by in near proximity, where it would be able to be viewed clearly, but no action was taken. Perhaps each employee pretended not to see the splatter in order that the buck may be passed for someone else to clean up. A tactic I am familiar with and can easily identify.
Though I did not see the exact circumstances from which the mess became manifest, I find the order of events can quite logically be deduced if we interject the subject which we visited earlier concerning the gorilla snot shampoo. Children. I believe it to be the case that a person or persons, who let their child run loose and wild, like a chimp among buckets of its own feces, are responsible for the destruction of product. Ironically, it is their lack of responsibility which makes them responsible. For not only would they be held responsible for not reigning in the screaming and flailing terrors, but also for hurriedly exiting the scene of the crime, or if not, projecting a false amazement and disgust at the mess they supposedly, "happened upon." I do not suggest that this is truly the case, but it is more likely than not.
There is one last reason I find Walmart to be a odd and frightening place. Even gross. However, concerning this reason, I shall spare you the details due to its graphic nature, and only disclose the fact that I now refer to Walmart as, "Wall-Shart." This is simply because of something I encountered in the restroom there. Whether I had anything to do with this particular incident is irrelevant so don't ask. Likewise it is also irrelevant what restroom I was in.
So, this all being said, be wary when you find yourself shopping at Walmart and examine all surfaces, for there a danger may lurk. Be aware of your surroundings, and if it glistens and appears wet, I don't recommend touching it. Just sayin'.
Regards.
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