Again, I'm not the superstitious sort. In fact, setbacks have occurred for the last forty years my family has been in the fishing industry. I myself have had much worse years than this one in my personal life, but in light of the folklorist influence, I find this connexion made regardless. Rationally, it doesn't follow, in my mind, that the universe be governed by such superficial and superfluous incidents the likes of a broken mirror or stepping on a crack in the sidewalk (Did this superstition exist before the invention of concrete? Furthermore, once concrete was invented, did the universe shift in order to accommodate this superstitious effect?). Though they may be subject to inclusion in the, "principle of sufficient reason ," or causation, to imply that a concept so obscure as luck may be affected is absurd. Simply, what I mean is that though one may certainly break a mirror from some means (cause) and shatter the surface of the glass (effect), how the mere fact that a person has caused a looking glass to fragment and that it somehow negatively reverberates within the cosmos to affect the self for a specific period of time, thus producing bad luck, is preposterous.
I wouldn't just be myself if I didn't visit this topic a little more in depth at a later time, but first I would like to describe a couple of things which may suggest to those who believe in the high governing concept of luck, that I may have indeed drawn the shortest lot. A seafaring custom, by the way, in those horrible instances and examples of that which is the greatest of taboos as a means of survival upon the high seas (See the wreck of the Medusa, or of the Mignonette and the ill-fated Richard Parker for some chilling tales).
In my personal accounts, there is not much to blame except chance, and when I say, "chance," I will henceforth mean chance in regards and adhering to the conception of low probability, not a chaos which comes to or expresses an order through a surreal association of particulars. This former chance, of course, isn't independent or distant of a true relation between objects in close proximity to each other. In fact, quite the contrary. In my instance, the objects were placed in close proximity according to will. What makes this first instance striking is the probability of it actually occurring. It wasn't a near impossible occurrence, but the chances of it coming to pass were very low, to say the least. Yet, the other, or second incident I will address, I can attribute to a greater probability, relative to the chances of the former, and to this I do have an object of blame and one whom I will regard as responsible. That is the Kellogg's corporation.
The first instance I will recount is the one of the least likelihood. One night while traveling to get a load of "humpy" salmon (or pink salmon for those of you who are scrupulous about using proper names concerning your seafood) we got caught in a gale. We made sure to secure any object that could be flung about on deck, and retreated to the safe and dry quarters of the ship. I took off my "XTRATUF" boots and set them side-by-side on the floor under several hooks, upon which we hang our gear. I took off my knife belt, and hung it from the hook above my boots with my knife snugly tucked away in its sheath. This I've done from habit for quite some time, but by now, dear reader, you may see what is going to transpire.
I immediately grabbed my boots and scrambled into the galley and sat down on the end of the bench seat which parallels our galley table at the appropriate right angles to provide for both space and luxury. I put one boot on with no problem, and when applying the other boot onto my foot I let out a yelping obscenity which even the ocean-going, soon to be seafood, probably detected from the oceans great propensity to carry sound waves along with the cresting waves themselves. A sharp pain was being experienced in the right side of my starboard foot and I instinctively tried to retract it, only to find the pain was neither lessening or disappearing altogether. Furthermore, whatever had bit into my foot was still there. Stuck. I shook my foot wildly and reached down to try and remove the boot, only adding to the pain. So I continued shaking and even contemplated screaming for help, but knowing there was now a boat alongside I wanted to save myself the embarrassment of everyone knowing I had some deficiency in practical and basic problem solving, or the pain threshold below that of a young prepubescent girl.
I shook whatever it was loose and eventually got my neoprene "XTRATUF" boot off my non-tough self. I quickly examined my foot which seeped blood. This was of no major consequence however, and a few bandages took care of the issue, but it could have been much worse than it was. In my boot I saw my knife, a serrated Victorinox utility knife, or a "Vicky" as we refer to them, standing vertical with the blade standing straight up. I had nearly ran it clear through my foot. I got to work shortly after that and inquired of my coworkers, what the odds would be of such a thing occurring. They all seemed to agree that to anyone else it would be an astronomical probability, but since it had happened to me, it wasn't at all surprising. This my friends, may give you some insight into the nature of those incidents which befall me.
Was bad luck to blame? I don't think so. In fact, I think it is a conspiracy between the cereal manufacturer and dentists. This is much greater a threat than the, "pencil conspiracy," that I mentioned in my previous article, due to the fact this one causes personal injury. Furthermore, it could be the case that popcorn manufactures are in on it too. These companies produce products to further the field of dentistry, so it could easily be concluded that the conspirators exchange money and goods to benefit each other at the expense of the public's oral pain and anguish.
Yet, we find in many such conspiracies there is an element of symbolism that identifies the conspiracy or conspirators, as Dan Brown can both attest and make up as he goes along. Yet, where would I find this Brown-ish symbolism? Where was the raisin bran symbols equivalent to the marks left by the Knights Templar? It took me some time, but after examining the box of "Raisin Bran Crunch," I saw it was gleefully staring at me in plain sight. The image is an obvious one. A bright yellow gleaming sun. The bran sun is not without emotion, for it is given a human resemblance, though certainly cartoonish. What do we notice about its grinning gaping maw? It's completely toothless! This suggests the true purpose of the, "crunch." The cereal has less bran and more crunch to render one completely toothless or in sore need of a dentist. Furthermore, "crunch," may indeed reference the audible sound of one's tooth breaking off, rather than the sound the cereal gives off upon consuming. Moreover, the, "two scoops," look suspiciously alike with those dental tools they use to spread a patients cheeks apart. In addition, because the, "scoop," is in no way a real standard unit of measurement, both standard and metric, it could only refer to the method employed by dentists to scoop out the remaining bit of tooth from under the gum line. My friends, be warned, this is the dark Kellogg secret truth. If anything henceforth happens to me . . . Well, you get the idea.
So how do we account for such events occurring in so close a duration? Was it indeed negative luck concerning both the short separating interval of time as well as the events themselves? Though I certainly was victim to the conspiracy, not everyone is. It is here we get into our discourse concerning the nature of luck and of superstition. I had thought the discourse would be a concise one, but to my dismay I did what I always tend to do and wrote too much. So, assuming anyone has reached this point, to avoid the loss of interest, I suggest an intermission before we continue and my following post will be on the underlying natures of luck and superstition. Yet, during this intermission I would encourage all not to have a bowl of cereal. Until next time.
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