On Just One Jerk’s Reaction to Uber-Environmentalism

I agree with the general goals and principles set forth by the environmental movement. I mean, who wouldn’t? It doesn’t serve any ill purpose to be environmentally conscious and it can only really benefit us in the long run, so what’s the problem? Why be against it? I am not against it, but there is a problem nonetheless. The problem is I just don’t give a crap anymore. Not because of the goals of environmentalists, but rather the devices they use to bring the means to an end, and these tactics being consistently shoved it in my face all the damn time! I can’t go anywhere or do anything without seeing billboards, signs attached to the sides of buses, newspaper and periodical articles, hearing radio broadcasts, podcasts, blogs, seeing commercials, activists tossing pamphlets at me, which by the way must have cost the lives of thousands of trees (which Weyerhaeuser replanted anyway so its ok) and that will all eventually end up littering the sidewalk, only to be later swept up into a landfill. A type of environmental collateral damage if you will.

We all know the message by now. It is not a secret to anyone of us. Yet, there is a constant barrage of demands from environmentalist groups anyway. All the time it is, conserve energy! Okay. Get a more fuel efficient car! Got it. Put a brick in your toilet tank to conserve water! Done. Drive less! No problem. Keep your tires inflated! For sure. Need tabs? Check your emissions! Understandable. Unreasonable prices, but understandable. Don’t use Aerosol cans! Fine. Get more energy efficient light bulbs! I hear ya.

Eventually at some point they got tired of making demands which we, the ordinary citizen, can do something about. They got bored and started loudly proclaiming issues that will certainly bring an end to the world, but we, the average person, have no control over. Stop the methane emissions of cow farts! Ummmm... The ice caps are melting! Well, guess we’re screwed. Atlantic Penguin populations are the lowest they have been in years! Yeah, well that’s too bad, I guess. Murderous ivory hungry poachers are killing Elephants year after year, which will lead to the eventual extinction of the species! Yeah, I don’t have a passport or the authority to go fight poachers, so my hands are pretty much tied on that one. Where are the Seals?!? The Seals are dying! Ok, well I guess I won’t go baby seal clubbing this year, whatever.

Sometimes they can’t even make up their mind on what is best for the environment, as with the constant moral battle one encounters between paper or plastic in the checkout line of the supermarket. We were told to use plastic, then paper, but one fills up landfills, but one kills trees, ones biodegradable, one takes thousands of years to rot and burning it only pollutes our air, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I don’t care. Triple bag it and wrap it in 4 sacks of plastic there bagboy because I don’t give a crap anymore. Its much like health, if you are flooded with over abundant, contradictory, forceful information, a certain percentage of the population is going to revert back to that youthful rebellion in which the vast majority of all people have experienced at one time or another in their lives. You can only take so much data and contradiction concerning whether to eat eggs or not and whether it is good for you or not, before you eventually say, screw it! Over-easy please!

So yes, I applaud the concept behind the obtrusive message, yet it is the way it is presented that makes me roll my eyes and not care. Especially when watching TV. I sit down to eat my eggs and there is, for some reason, an ex-ER doctor, seeping with melancholy, telling me about the environment. Thank you Noah Wyle for bringing that to my attention and helping me to understand the plight of the arctic Polar Bear. I would have never been able to come to a full comprehension of the problem without the aid of an, at best, mediocre actor, has-been, ex TV “star,” such as yourself. Perhaps next, Dave Coulier could help me to understand the issues of deforestation that confront the South American Wedge-Tailed Shrew.

The self righteous attitude of some of these people that hang onto the environment with an almost spiritual intensity can be a rather large turn off to the movement as well. I don’t need you self-righteous folk glaring and grimacing at me in my truck, while you sputter on by in your Prius or other hybrid Mr. and Mrs. High-and-Mighty. The best way for these groups to go about it, would be to make the public aware, but to put most of their efforts behind the scenes, like in legislation and conservation efforts and not getting on my case because I just happened to fart two times over the daily allowance supposed by your Earth group. I would say, chances are, a huge rock falling from space is going to kill us all anyway, way before we destroy our own planet. So keep it up Earth-peace or whatever your called and I just may splurge on the extra thirty cents to buy light bulbs that last half as long, use three times the energy and are a third as bright. Furthermore, the brick in my toilet is coming out. That’s right, I so went there.