When I first saw the phrase, “River plane crash,” my first inclination was that it was some term indicating a loss at Texas Hold em, but it was only because I had caught the words out of the corner of my eye. After closer inspection, however, I quickly realized the already disaster trodden city of New York may have, again, been struck with a terrible tragedy and I subsequently flipped on the TV for some live moment by moment coverage.
However, some amazing details begin to emerge, so incredible I doubt I will ever see anything even remotely close to it again within my life time. It is not often a plane can pummel from the heavens and plunge into either land or water with the whole of the crew and passengers surviving. You know when you get that overly long dissertation by the flight crew prior to take off? It had always occurred to me just to space out during the whole water landing crap. I mean, hitting the water at the speed planes can reach; the water might as well be ground. Furthermore, I figured, what realistically are the chances of me getting out and being able to use my cushion as a floatation device anyway? You can forget it. I always reached the conclusion that if I was unlucky enough to be on such a vessel when it crashed into a vast expanse of H20, I was mollusk food and my body would thereby be fed on by crabs as they feed on me now.
Now, due to the incident which occurred on the 15th of January, I am going to have to completely rethink these conclusions. With all the 155 people on the plane being able to land on the Hudson river, whose sludge may have cushioned some of the blow, maybe next time I will listen to the stewards reciting the canon of airline survival, rather than getting my last few moments of cell phone use in by text messaging the cougar I am interested in. At any rate, it is obvious the real hero of this situation was the pilot and the credit belongs to him alone, but let us look who is to blame, shall we?
They, that is the FAA, are claiming the crash was due to a bird strike. A bird strike? With the economy how it is? These damn birds should just be happy they have jobs! Yet, they feel the need to sabotage an airline? It’s just over the line and if I am driving and I see some of these birds in a peck-it-ing line, I am going to be really pissed. Ingrate geese.
Let us take into account some of the weird coincidences surrounding the events and examine the possibility this could be the culmination of some astral plan. My friend relayed to me that she and her friend were discussing airplanes when it came up on the news. Furthermore, I myself was watching “Riverdance” at the time and then a plane lands on one. Some odd crap there.
First, we have the geese who carried out the plan, but the question remains; to whom were the geese mystically subject? I would propose it is none other than Riverdance “star” Michael Flatley. Yes, the Lord of the Dance, is also the lord of disaster. When he first appeared on the scene, I knew he meant trouble and whenever he comes around something bad happens. Sure enough, this is manifested after I put in my special edition, director’s cut “Riverdance” DVD. Take my word for it, Flatley is a bad omen. I mean, the guy is like Halleys Comet.
In conclusion, we see who is really at fault: its me. If I didn’t put in the DVD nothing would have occurred in the first place. I was the initiator, Flatley the mediator, and the geese the messenger, the whole of the blame being trifold. With that I would like to apologize to everyone and hope all the emotional scars of those on the plane heal quickly. Lastly, to prevent any further similar incidents I am throwing out all my Enya music as well. Just in case Irish folk music can produce the same effect as an Irish dance troupe. You can’t be too careful.
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