On Live Free or Die Hard

John McClane: "I'm gonna go kill this mother------ and get my daughter. Or go get my daughter and kill this mother------."

Rated PG-13 for action, violence, language and wasting my time with complete crap. In fact, it should have been Rated R come to think of it.

Staring: Bruce Willis, Timothy Olyphant and Justin Long.

First off I would just like to say that Bruce Willis is the man and thats why I found it so damn disappointing that he agreed to star in this horrible worthless pile that is Live Free or Die Hard. I have enjoyed action movies in the past despite a lack of plot, but not this movie. It was so far out of the realm of probablility, that I spent most of my movie going experiencing either sighing, laughing, or rolling my eyes. John McClain is indestructible in all the films, this is true, but THIS movie takes it to the extreme. In this movie, and its predecessor, Die Hard with a Vengeance, both films paint McClain, not a hero, but more so a complete loser who is not really good at anything except killing people and blowing stuff up. Even more so in THIS movie. His family hates Him, he is divorced, and probably still suffers from the same alcohol problem that plagued him in the last movie. Its as bad as it gets for McClain so if there were another sequel, the trend being as it is, McClain would have to be vomiting, urinating on himself, possibly homeless, with a screaming case of scabies.

The movie starts off with McClain trying to reconnect with his daughter by pulling her boyfriend out of a car while during a make-out, slash, feeling-up, slash, molestation session. There is a verbal confrontation between McClain and his daughter, who refuses to take his last name, probably because in addition to being a drunkard, he is a wife beater as well, which she may or may not have witnessed first hand. She storms off and McClain prepares to drive home, but gets a call from dispatch, telling him to go pick up a accused computer hacker, Matthew Farrell, played by Justin Long. To give you some idea of how amazing this young talent is, well he did the voice of Alvin on Alvin and the Chipmunks and is Mac on the PC and MAC Apple Computer commercials. 'Nuff said.

Anyways, unbeknownst to them, but already knownst to us, somebody is knocking off computer hackers, and the attempted assassination of Farrell just so happens to go down while McClain is picking him up. There of course is a large shootout, a large explosion and a terrorist who was apparently hired strait out of Cirque Du Soleil. They of course escape and they head to Washington DC, engaging in some unrealistic stupid dialog, while a terrorist plan unfolds that crumbles the governments infrastructure throwing everyone into a panic. The culprits of this attack are some mercenaries and an army of computer geeks, and because the federal government is so busy trying to take care of things, they pretty much disappear and now its now up to McClain and his new companion to practice some guerilla warfare and kick some butt alone. However, the butt kicking is so out there, the characters so indestructible and superhumanly agile, that despite the awesome special effects and cinematography, you really just can't connect with the action or feel any suspense, nor do you connect with the characters, or the plot because of its holes, though you might sit up in your seat and say, "Hey, its Kevin Smith," when Kevin Smith makes a brief appearance as the hacker Warlock.

Other then that though, between the horrible dialog, unrealism, and McClain flying helicopters, jumping from an overpass, to a harrier jet, to an upright section of road (that was the harriers doing), to the street below, nothing about this film works. Even the end with its ridiculous implied romantic intrest between Farrell and now Ms. McClain lacks substance, though the Yippy-ky-aye still makes its appearance. So Bruce Willis, your still the man, but this movie...garbage. I give it 1 out of 4 scabies.